the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Randomize
