just survived the first fart of the relationship.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
