The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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