where does the pee come out of this thing
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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