She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
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