he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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