Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Randomize
