Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
