I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
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