Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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