High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
