I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
It's blow job season.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Randomize
