You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
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