he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
Randomize
