Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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