Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Randomize
