once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
We have started to decorate penises.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Randomize
