i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
