There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Randomize
