So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
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