Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
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