So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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