I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
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