he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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