Your tits are I can't wait for
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
