The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Randomize
