So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
Do you remember whose house we're in?
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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