at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Randomize
