Porn is love you can see.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize