so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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