I showed him my bush... on skype.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
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