I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
