Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
You just made me feel so damn special
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Randomize
