Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
