My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
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