i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Randomize
