Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
