the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
You ruined the universe
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Randomize
