As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize
