Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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