"it" just moved
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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