He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
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