Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
Randomize
