Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
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