you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
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