Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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