its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Randomize
