seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Randomize
