i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
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