he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
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