I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize