Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
This show inspires me to have sex in space
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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