Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
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