Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
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