you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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