I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Randomize