I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Randomize
