i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
Randomize