Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Randomize
