So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
