Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
