I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
