I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Randomize
