dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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